Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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