i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
