i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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