Screwed.edu
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
