i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
