I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
