I'm gonna have a badass scar
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
