Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
