my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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