Soap is not a condiment
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
