She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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