dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
