I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
