she was so not down for the gang bang
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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