Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
