I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
