you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
