Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
