xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
