first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
