the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
