When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
