we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
