Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
