nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
