sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
