he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
