He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
