it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
