A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
