I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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