just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
