So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
