I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
