I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
