Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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