your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
