I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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