I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
