so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
