You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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