i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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