dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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