one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
