just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
