Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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