Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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