Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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