i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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