if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
