Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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