the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
