I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
