whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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