Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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